Words, Perceptions, and Feelings

I am always amazed by the power of words. Probably because I am artsy and have a need to communicate myself with those around me. I love poetry and song lyrics and try to find meaning in everything. I try to make every word that comes out of my mouth as precise as I can. My father-in-law once said to my husband "Maggie sure doesn't say at lot but when she does, people better listen".  I take pride in that statement. Sure I can be a chatty patty about superficial things or celebrity gossip, but when it comes down to things other than idle chit chat about my dogs, I don't speak unless I am 100% sure about what I am going to say. People take my silence as a sign of weakness, but really I am just observing what is going on around me. I don't spread gossip (aside from celebrity gossip) unless there is undeniable proof and I heard it from the source. I don't lie, or portray myself as anything but what I am. I don't belittle a person, especially to their face, and I don't like it when other people do it around me.

Mostly, though, I am amazed by how words can hurt someone and that people will say things and not realize the connotations behind it. I guess it's because I am usually the brunt of many a joke or some saying that is meant to be hurtful. My whole life, friends and family members have talked about "Maggie moments". These moments are usually used to describe either a moment of sheer panic and anxiety or a moment of stupidity. Mind you, I will be the first to tell you sometimes my actions are not always the smartest ones but to have a moment named after me to reflect the level of stupidity or frustration is not very nice. No one has eve attributed a "Maggie Moment" to one of great joy. There is never a, "I had a Maggie Moment. I got an A on a test!". It's usually "I had a Maggie Moment. I did  something stupid".  Recently I was told that am I not the brightest color in the crayon box (yep someone said that to me) and that I am a local's dream when it comes to being a tourist because I am perpetually lost in life in general (I was practicing a song with my band and got lost half way through and so I got told that I must have been a local's dream when I went to San Francisco...I took it to mean I was that type of tourist who stops random people asking for help to find where I was going).

Working in a university, I deal with all sorts of people. Not all are winners, but not all are losers. And yes I get just as frustrated at the person as the next. But I try to keep my comments about the person to myself. Now I will go on and on about the situation and how it made me feel, but you won't hear me talking bad about the person individually. I do get to hear about how everyone thinks "so and so" is a loser though. We have a graduate assistant who works for us that the faculty go all Mean Girl on and make fun of her both to her face and behind her back. They literally call her "Little Girl Lost" or LGL for short. I have told them how hurtful it is and they just laugh. They have stopped calling the girl names around me.....but just around me....she has even told me how they make fun of her on a daily basis. These are adults who are in their 40s - 70s, have their doctorates, have some sort of counseling background, and are acting worse than some teenagers I know. They should know better, but it is a perfect example of how we treat each other.

People think that because they color it with a smile and a laugh and they say that they're just joking, that their painful words are justified. It's not funny to the person you are making fun of. It's hurtful and, even if there is a spec of truth in it, unnecessary. For me it has gotten to the point where I will go ahead and put myself down to soften the blow when it comes. That's probably why people think it's ok to tell me I am not the brightest crayon, because I sense it happening and will say it first or will agree with the person just to get them to shut up.

I ask everyone making their 2012 goals, resolutions, or whatever you call them, to make a point and look at the positives about the people in their lives and let them know it. There is something in the Thumper saying of "if you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all".  I know I am going to try to. Let's all edify and lift each other up this year, guys!! LOVE AND LIGHT!!!

Thanks for stopping by today. XOXO

Exciting Things are Coming from Bravo!!

I am very excited. Today Bravo announced the next installments of the Real Housewives of Orange County (and if the season is anything like the trailer, we are in for a drama-filled roller coaster!) and Bethenny Ever After (LOVE, LOVE, LOVE). I am so excited I could pee myself.



First off, the original Housewives. I have watched this show (and it's spawns) since the beginning. I follow a lot of the girls on Facebook and enjoy reading about them in the trashy gossip columns. It's like this massive wreck that you can't help but creep by and stare at and probably turn around to go look at it again. And it does not look like they will disappoint this season. When you watch the trailer, I hope you get as much of a kick out of Vicki screaming like a banshee as I did. These ladies are over the top, for sure. What gets me out this and all the other Housewives franchise is that no real housewife would behave the way they do. Only wealthy housewives behave in such a way. Out of all the housewives I know, none of them have maids, hair stylists and makeup artists that come to their houses, or multimillion dollar properties. Neither can they afford to spend hundreds of dollars on a pair of shoes, much less the thousands these ladies spend. They also cannot afford to, nor do they, put on lavish parties and trips to exotic places (just because they can). They are hard working women who go above and beyond to keep their house and family in order. They are also some of the first who will come to you in a time of need. Sure these fancy ladies give us something to look at but that's about it. In fact, my comparison of my life and theirs generally consists of the feeling feeling of relief that my life is soooooo much better (albeit poorer) than those ladies. This show helps me to appreciate my life and how I live it. I cannot wait until February 7 to be able to watch the trashiness unfold!!



And now the thing I have been waiting months for.....BETHENNY EVER AFTER!!!!!! Holy crap how much do I love Bethenny Frankel?! She is such an inspiration. She is the best thing to happen to tv and to alcohol EVER!!  First, she was smart enough to distance herself from the negativity that plagued her during the Real Housewives of New York (told you I love the franchise) and then she did so by making such a life changing move by having her own show (which is leaps and bounds over the entire Housewives franchise....end of story) and THEN she changed her and all of our lives through her Skinnygirl products. Not only does she have the alcohol (yes they are ALL low calorie, low carb, suitable for those with special diets and diabetics, and FANTASTIC), she also has the Skinnygirl Face and Body line, the Skinnygirl Cookbooks, the Skinnygirl Smoothers and Shapers (think of an affordable and sexy Spanx), and Skinnygirl Daily (full of vitamin supplements and workout routines to help get people into shape). This girl literally does it all and has a family to support. What inspires me the most is that she accomplished this in her late 30s - early 40s. It makes my spinning in circles I have been doing career-wise a lot more tolerable.  Plus I truly believe she is a genuine, honest, a obviously hard working person. In fact I once sent her an email telling her I wanted to work for her. I hope one day she takes me up on it. That would be a dream come true. For now, though, I am eagerly awaiting February 20. Luckily I have the Atlanta and the Orange County Housewives to keep me occupied until them.

Thanks for stopping by. I hope you are all doing very well!! XOXO

What are We Teaching Our Children?

Mom Gives Liposuction Voucher To 7-Year-Old Daughter For Christmas

www.huffingtonpost.com

One of my best friends shared this with me yesterday. I am utterly horrified and am about to get on a soap box. Really, she bought a 7 year old liposuction to go with the boob job she already gave her?!?! If you watch the video at the end of the article, you will see the mom on an episode of The Drs and she is literally justifying her purchases!! I don't care if you are an "Associate" (whatever that is) for a plastic surgeon and that you have the means to do it, you are telling a 7 year old that she isn't going to be pretty enough and that image is everything. Just because you wanted to be a human Barbie doesn't mean your daughter should be a human Skipper. The mom's logic is that she can use them when she's 18 IF she wants to. If you watch the video you can clearly see this CHILD idolizes her mother and wants to be just like her, because she is famous for being "beautiful". Of course this child will want to do plastic surgery as soon as she can!! Hate to tell you, honey. You mom is famous due to her stupidity of having so many procedures, not because she is "pretty"(and really her mom is a Monet.....pretty from afar but a big mess up close). Poor child already looks like she is primed to be the next Lindsay Lohan or Anna Nicole Smith, bless her heart. And really, what 7 year old can make a rational decision about what they want in life? If she was 17, it would be different. It's like that show Toddlers and Tiaras. Just a big old fashioned train wreck waiting to happen. Of course I watch that show not for the toddlers but to watch the parents try to live out some fantasy through their children. Those kids are going to have their own problems too, but not as bad as this poor child I hate to say. Her road is going to be very bumpy.

It seems like children are winning these days. It's like they can't do anything anymore and parents are allowing this to happen. And the parents are letting them do it. Like the mom encouraging the daughter's desire to be just like her. Working in a university, I get to see many different types of people and parents are turning out to be the biggest hindrance in the whole deal. I love the term 'Helicopter Parent' because that is exactly what they are. They hover around and make decisions for their children (who are actually adults since they are in college) and hold their hands. And they sure get mad when I tell them about FERPA and that I cannot discuss their child with them unless they fill out the necessary paperwork. Most of us had  parents would help us with our homework, but they wouldn't DO IT for us. It's like parents can't hold their kids accountable for their actions and reactions anymore.  And I don't understand why. When did society go from one that encourages hard work, morals, and accountability to one where we are essentially lazy people and instead of taking responsibility for our own paths, we blame others. Just like the 7 year old who cannot make a rational judgement about her future, a teenager or young adult should not be held back by parents who do not expect much from their kids and who want to do everything for them. We are not teaching them anything good by doing this. 


I am now off of my soapbox. Thanks for coming by!! XO

Celebrity Apprentice

So yesterday the great Donald Trump announced his next batch of Celebrity Apprentices (Apprentici?).  To be honest, I am not overwhelmed by this batch. They seem to be the run of the mill "celebrities" that do all the reality shows (meaning they are the only ones who will do them). Really they are just a step up from the "celebrities" that do the commentary for the Dumbest Criminals or Dumbest Videos shows. That being said, I am very excited to see Debbie Gibson. I used to try and dress like her in the 80's. Down to the big rimmed hat worn on the back of my head. Don't forget the hair crimping. Oh how i miss my crimping iron. The only other one I am semi-excited about is Tia Carrere. I LOVED her in Wayne's World and haven't seen her in much since. Will she go far? I doubt it, but I will be watching anyway. I think Teresa Guidice is pretty trashy and she only got on there because of the success of NeNe Leaks from RHOA. Don't get me wrong. I used to love love love Teresa. I followed her on Facebook and was rooting for her until she exposed herself for the liar that she is. Amazingly enough she has never disputed (or at least to me liking) the fact that she is two-faced, a lair, an attention whore, and jealous of anyone near her. If it were me and people were making those types of accusations, I would work hard to make sure I showed the world I wasn't what people said I was. But I digress. I only know what the media puts out there so maybe my judgements are a little harsh. Back to C.A. Lisa Lampanelli will be good, I suppose. If there is a badly written Comedy Central Roast script she needs to perform. The rest are "eh" at best. That aside, my final 3 are going to be Clay Aiken (if you cannot look at him and love him, you have no heart), Paul Teutul, Sr (even though he is an ass, I have to support my OCC guys.....sure wish it was Junior instead), and Penn Jillette (he is just plain smart adn a good man....I hope he wins actually).

I really wish The Donald would go back to the real Apprentice. Don't get me wrong, I think charity is something that is wonderful. I know that many lives are changed through the show and the charities the celebrities represent. The people on the original version seemed to be a whole lot more passionate and want to win more. I guess we will all see starting February 12.

That's my two cents for now. :)  Thanks for stopping by!!

Happy New Year!!!

Hello, Everybody!!!

I hope the New Year (all four days of it) has been treating you all very well. It has started off great for me so far. I am glad for the New Year. I am very excited to see where it takes us. Last year was very good to me and my husband. We bought our first house, got our first new car, and all the fun (and debt) that goes with both!! It took us 10 years to be able to make this leap into adulthood so to say I feel blessed would be an understatement. We aren't lavish people so last year was huge for us.

I know I have definitely gotten swept up in the magic and hope of a good New Year. I want everyone to be blessed and in a better place by the end of the year. That's what I am praying for anyway. A friend of mine has made goals for herself for this year and I thought they were inspiring, so I have made some goals for this year and will strive to hit them. I also know that sometimes 365 days isn't enough to accomplish what I want. Here are my top 10 goals for 2012:

• I am going to work on a much needed attitude adjustment. Life has thrown me some curve balls over the years and they have made me negative, complacent, and moody. My attitude effects those around me and I want to be remembered for the fun-loving and positive person I used to be.
• I am going to work on getting passed the hurt I have felt for years over how I perceive I am treated by my dad's side of my family. I have had little to no contact with them for over 10 years and I need to make the decision on whether to continue to try or just chalk it up to a lost cause. Even when I was a kid, they wanted little to do with me. This feeling of abandonment has surely effected all of my current relationships
• I am going to "get over myself" and remember that there are those that have it much worse than I do and yet they still have smiles on their faces and positive attitudes. 
• I am going to strive to be the best wife I can be. My husband is a pillar of strength and has become a major support to me over the years. I want to really prove to him how much I love and appreciate him.
• I will not allow people to walk all over me. My whole life people have barreled over me and I have allowed them to do so for fear of them disliking me. All this has done has made me dislike myself. I am definitely not the same person I was 10 years ago when confrontation was my middle name.
• I am going to learn to live and let go. I have held onto grudges my whole life and that does no one any good.
• I am going to remember that I cannot change a person's actions but my reactions to them.
• I want to be able to better balance grad school with my family and social life. I need to be able to handle my stresses privately and not take them out on those closest to me.
• I am going to find a better job with a better and more positive environment. If I can find one that pays more than what I get now, even better.
• Most importantly, I am going to stay true to myself. That's all anyone can ask of themselves anyway. To be honest, hard working, and true to yourself

Hope this year is kind to us all!! Thanks for coming by!

Poetry

Here are some of my poems I have written over the years. I hope you enjoy them. More to come. :)

Invasion of the Mind

You crept into my dreams again
We have been down this road before
But this time there was pain, tension, and confusion
That I thought was long gone
I tried to speak
But there were no words
You tried to speak
But I couldn't hear you
Your faced was twisted and sad
I wanted to reach out to you
But there was something holding me back

Dare I say that I miss you
That there will forever be a chasm in my life
Ever since our time together ended
A wise man once said
"A person is in your life for a reason, a season, or for life"
I am not sure why our paths had to cross
Was it for a reason or a season or both
Because I know it wasn't for life

I wonder if you think of me
If you are haunted by my memory
Like I am of you
Or if I am just nothing to you
An irritation that has been scratched out
Covered up with calomine lotion
And forgotten
Never to be thought of again

 

I Can't Promise

They don’t talk like they used to
Communication has slipped though the cracks
They push on everyday and ignore the pain
Both refusing to look back
But one night she has enough
And makes him talk
And he says
I can’t promise you the moon and stars
I can’t promise to always be by your side
I can't promise you I will listen for my mind is somewhere else
I can't promise that things will be the way you want
But I love you and that should be enough
To make everything alright

Months have passed
And the road is still rutted and broken
But they are still fighting the fight
She sits alone and wonders what she did wrong
Hoping day she will have the strength to say
I can't promise you I will be by your side for its not me you want there
I can't promise not to cry and scream when I want to be heard
I can't promise to understand things that have no explaination
I can't promise that I can get over this pain that I have inside
But I love you and that should be enough
To make everything alright

How you like it

It has happened again
Like so many times before
Broken and low
That's how you like it

You keep me down
And tell me I can't do things
Or that I do them wrong
Even when I know I'm right
That's how you like it

I tell you how I feel
But am met with the same response
Ridiculous
Crazy
Insecure
I know those words are coming
It's like a broken record
Hardly do my feelings get validated
Regardless of the feeling, I am wrong
That's how you like it

You don't seem to understand me
And can't admit that it may be you
But that's ok, I'll take the heat
Maybe I am
Ridiculous
Crazy
Insecure
That's how you like it

The Truth

There is a thin line
Between right and wrong
Between insanity and sobering reality
But how does one know which way is which
Or the difference between instinct and madness
When the truth is hidden behind a wall
Just out of reach
You can see it when you strain
But it is unattainable
You sit wondering and waiting
Hoping it will rear its ugly head
But afraid to know what will be next
So you just wait until the day
When you can meet the truth
Knowing it will change your life forever

I Love........

I love it when you have had a bad day
And come home without a kiss or a hug
I love it when you are stressed out
And talk to me like I am mud
I love not knowing what to say or when to say it
And keeping my feelings to myself
I love it when we ignore the real issues
And let the emotions build up
I love not knowing whether its me that you are mad at or not
And trying to figure you out
I love being there for you through thick and thin
But sometimes its not easy
When you won't let me in

A Leap of Faith

Taking a leap of faith

Stretching the boundaries further

Than what is comfortable

Just so things are easier for others

Hoping it doesn't go unnoticed

Afraid that it's not good enough

And that disappointment will be the effect

Emotions take over

Happy and yet angry

Sad and anxious

Scared

But persevering regardless

Changes are hard and overwhelming

Nervous as to what will come

Praying that history won't repeat itself

Not able to handle it if it does

Faith is all that is left

Traveling down a road of unanswered questions

Knowing that God will light the way

All that can be done is to take a deep breath

And jump